It's not necessarily the guilt of revealing so much of another person's story - I mean, it's my story...but that's just it - I haven't been adding much to the facts. The dialogue exists - and surely it's "entertaining," but I'm not really taking you there. And, I don't know if I'm ready to go there.
I think it's a process - a process I'm going to take offline for a bit to figure out. I think I've come to the realization that I'm still not entirely ready to "comment" on it all. Or maybe just scared of who I might discover.
There are so many perspectives to being an adopted child - nearly daily choices on how I want the experience to feel. One day I'm logical, matter of fact and practically cold. The next I'm someone so fearful of being left behind and certain that it's bound to happen again that I hide thoughts and conflict under my breath. I think I'm always grateful. But I also think I the many open doors and new relationships my reunion uncovered are missing some great honesty.
And so I can't. Not yet.
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Knee deep is about as far as I'm willing to go...unless you're watching.
1 comment:
I think that is completely understandable. I can't even begin to imagine the emotion it takes to put it down on paper especially while you are still sifting through the feelings. Share when you are ready.
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