Well, I now can say that I have fallen deeply in love with Google Wave. There couldn't be anything better than this open source communication that has fun buttons to make my TEXT speak and sparkle and the brilliant search tool to aid in embedding photos and videos and songs - and wait - this is what I want my blog to do! Hell, this is what I want my life to do!
I want to wake up with a soundtrack playing that arouses my sense of the dream I just had...
the cure - pictures of you
I want to color my voice BOLD and RED when I am shouting at my kids to hurry up!
I want to see the outward glance of Andie from Pretty in Pink telling Steph, "I have some taste", in a speech bubble above my head when I walk away from the overly eager guy at the bar.
I think I need to find a new blog host. Because now my expectations are way high. (She's so high) Will Google elevate blogger to be as immediate and full of fun content as Google Wave? I'm waiting...s[
Monday, November 30, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
My bitterness ignites me
So I've been launched into this cartoon like state of mind where I see myself grabbing the tail of the jackass and swinging him from side to side, over my head and then bashing the ground so hard it shakes with static marks and expressions of woe. That's right, bitch.
There is no shame in sucuumbing to anger, so long as it is performed with elegance...right? I mean to say, the inconvenient feeling of anger could be reveled in - explored with a sort of propulsory to a higher level. In other words, "yes, i'm better than you...watch me smile through this and experience the wonder of my supremacy!!"
So okay - cartoon scene applicable but not really useful in real world. I think I'll just sing a song. And become the "better person."
There is no shame in sucuumbing to anger, so long as it is performed with elegance...right? I mean to say, the inconvenient feeling of anger could be reveled in - explored with a sort of propulsory to a higher level. In other words, "yes, i'm better than you...watch me smile through this and experience the wonder of my supremacy!!"
So okay - cartoon scene applicable but not really useful in real world. I think I'll just sing a song. And become the "better person."
Spiral
Spiral...the way a baby's hair grows.
Spiral...the way the choices we make affect everything that surrounds us.
Spiral...the effect of our past repeating itself offering us the chance to make a more elevated decision or simply experience the delicious chaos of deja vu.
I'm often asked to explain my tattoo.
There are many applications though I summarize it like this:
"I hold my life in the palm of my hands."
Essentially, I am the master of my own fate, I am responsible for the choices I make (good or bad) and their consequences. While I believe in outside forces, opportunities and directives, I know that it is my response that creates the uniqueness of me.
I mirror this insight onto others and try to remind myself that none of our responses are programmed. And some of us (including me) deliberately ache for the uncomfortable feeling that devours our assumptions and burns in us a new experience with a whole new set of intertwined rules.
"O ME! O life!... of the questions of these recurring;
Of the endless trains of the faithless—of cities fill’d with the foolish;
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light—of the objects mean—of the struggle ever renew’d;
Of the poor results of all—of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me;
Of the empty and useless years of the rest—with the rest me intertwined;
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?"
-Walt Whitman
You wanna know what sparkles? Now that I mentioned it - you will see spirals everywhere today. Just watch. And learn.
Spiral...the way the choices we make affect everything that surrounds us.
Spiral...the effect of our past repeating itself offering us the chance to make a more elevated decision or simply experience the delicious chaos of deja vu.
I'm often asked to explain my tattoo.
There are many applications though I summarize it like this:
"I hold my life in the palm of my hands."
Essentially, I am the master of my own fate, I am responsible for the choices I make (good or bad) and their consequences. While I believe in outside forces, opportunities and directives, I know that it is my response that creates the uniqueness of me.
I mirror this insight onto others and try to remind myself that none of our responses are programmed. And some of us (including me) deliberately ache for the uncomfortable feeling that devours our assumptions and burns in us a new experience with a whole new set of intertwined rules.
"O ME! O life!... of the questions of these recurring;
Of the endless trains of the faithless—of cities fill’d with the foolish;
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light—of the objects mean—of the struggle ever renew’d;
Of the poor results of all—of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me;
Of the empty and useless years of the rest—with the rest me intertwined;
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?"
-Walt Whitman
You wanna know what sparkles? Now that I mentioned it - you will see spirals everywhere today. Just watch. And learn.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Keep it Coming, Love
Keep It Comin', Love
I can't believe it. The most amazing thing happened and I didn't have my camera! My boys are on the same soccer team - and they are in tournament this week. My one son is keeper and the other is an adequate defender. Neither are stars of the team...
So - the game is VERY fierce and ends up tied 1-1. Because it's tournament, we can't leave the game tied - so we go into a shootout. Did I mention my son Quinn is the goalkeeper?? It was sooo nervewracking. Each team picks 5 players and they alternate teams - at the end of the first shootout - we were still tied.
Shootout - round two. They had to pick another five players from our team. Definitely obvious they were the weakest players. The five to attempt the penalty kicks included my two kids.
I think we were tied when Quinn went up - He made it. So we were up by one. Our next player didn't make it. Still up by one, one player from each team remained. Zach was last to shoot from our team. If he made it - we would be two up and the other team wouldn't be able to match us. I wanted to just die right there. I was in between tears of agony and joy. This was not the kind of thing that happened in U-10 rec soccer!
Zach took his shot. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL SHOT - right in the corner of the net!!! The team jumped up - the parents cheered - we rushed the field!!! The team picked up Zach and carried him around. Then they picked up Quinn since he had been the keeper - it was the PROUDEST moment I have ever had!!! I was crying - sooo happy for them!
Now we have our championship game tomorrow night. We don't know what team we are going to play - but I have the feeling it will be the same team we tied and had the double shootout with, because they were really good. I will bring my camera!
And I hope my boys got a spark of confidence that will push them through - it would be really awesome to win again.
I don't care what anyone says - no one can make me happier than my kids!
I can't believe it. The most amazing thing happened and I didn't have my camera! My boys are on the same soccer team - and they are in tournament this week. My one son is keeper and the other is an adequate defender. Neither are stars of the team...
So - the game is VERY fierce and ends up tied 1-1. Because it's tournament, we can't leave the game tied - so we go into a shootout. Did I mention my son Quinn is the goalkeeper?? It was sooo nervewracking. Each team picks 5 players and they alternate teams - at the end of the first shootout - we were still tied.
Shootout - round two. They had to pick another five players from our team. Definitely obvious they were the weakest players. The five to attempt the penalty kicks included my two kids.
I think we were tied when Quinn went up - He made it. So we were up by one. Our next player didn't make it. Still up by one, one player from each team remained. Zach was last to shoot from our team. If he made it - we would be two up and the other team wouldn't be able to match us. I wanted to just die right there. I was in between tears of agony and joy. This was not the kind of thing that happened in U-10 rec soccer!
Zach took his shot. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL SHOT - right in the corner of the net!!! The team jumped up - the parents cheered - we rushed the field!!! The team picked up Zach and carried him around. Then they picked up Quinn since he had been the keeper - it was the PROUDEST moment I have ever had!!! I was crying - sooo happy for them!
Now we have our championship game tomorrow night. We don't know what team we are going to play - but I have the feeling it will be the same team we tied and had the double shootout with, because they were really good. I will bring my camera!
And I hope my boys got a spark of confidence that will push them through - it would be really awesome to win again.
I don't care what anyone says - no one can make me happier than my kids!
Delicate Nostalgia
There was an episode of #MadMen that had this beautiful analogy of the carousel - and the potency of nostalgia.
"Nostalgia literally means the pain from an old wound - a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than memory alone. this device isn't a spaceship - it's a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards...it takes us to a place where we ache to go again."
If I lend it this word - this universal experience... I can feel safe enough to take it off the shelf, look at it - touch it...remember it; but know that I can put it back as soon as he walks in.
Unraveling.
And I can't tell him.
"Nostalgia literally means the pain from an old wound - a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than memory alone. this device isn't a spaceship - it's a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards...it takes us to a place where we ache to go again."
If I lend it this word - this universal experience... I can feel safe enough to take it off the shelf, look at it - touch it...remember it; but know that I can put it back as soon as he walks in.
Unraveling.
And I can't tell him.
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